i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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