there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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