We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
