Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
