No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
