yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
