So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
