Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
