Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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