She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
