Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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