i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
