You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
