To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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