Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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