New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
