I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
MIDGETS
????
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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