I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
