There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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