I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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