Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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