1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
