im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
