I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
