I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
