The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
