After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The uberlube is also flammable
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
