I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize