I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
