but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
