sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
