god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she told me i tasted like america
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
