yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
