I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize