I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
