I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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