So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
