I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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