I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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