But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
