Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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