Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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