I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
