Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
