Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
