Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
