you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
