I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
