Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
