So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
