you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
