census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
