I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize