did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
