you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
