how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
