Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
