A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
