These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
