You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize