it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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