if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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