For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you had me at cake vodka
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
